On Loss, On Life

The other day, I came across a song from my past while listening to Pandora. It was "100 years" by Five for Fighting. It's really amazing how much differently I hear this song than when it came out in 2003. Back then I was almost 10 years younger than I am right now. And when I listened to the song for the first time in years the other day, it floored me at how profound the message truly is.

When this song came out in 2003, I lost three members of my family in the space of 12 months. None of the deaths were a major tragedy or a life cut short; but they were sad events nonetheless that were in rapid succession one after the other after the other. By the end of the year, the entire older generation of my family had passed on. My parents were now the family leaders. And when I look back at that period in my life, I feel that it changed me.

The first family member I saw lying in a casket was my paternal grandmother, who died in 1979. I remember standing on my tippy toes on the kneelers next to the casket, touching the body with my little fingers, asking if she were sleeping. Of course, she was not. I just didn't understand what death was, being only 3 years old.

In 2003, though, I knew what death was. At that point in my life, high school classmates of mine had already passed away. I was working in Miami, enjoying life, and then the call came. My father was on the phone, he sounded defeated. My grandfather had passed away. He had a heart attack and died while being brought to the hospital.

I remember the feeling that came over me a few days later, when they opened the doors to the viewing room at the funeral home in Michigan, and we all walked in to see our grandfather lying in his casket. When the initial wave of emotion passed at the first sight of the casket, it was replaced by a dull sadness. After we buried him, we all stood around and looked at my grandmother's grave, next to his. And it gave me peace to believe that they are together again.

A few months later, I got a tearful early morning call from my mother that my grandmother had passed away, her mother. This was a difficult time, as I remembered her very well, from the years that my grandmother had lived with us while we witnessed her decline with Alzheimer's Disease. I remember a sense of relief when she looked so peaceful in her casket, and I remember my uncle breaking down after commenting that my grandmother waited 38 years to be reunited with her love, my maternal grandfather, who passed away long before I was born.

I had begun to bounce back into my life when I got another call - that my step-grandmother had passed away, just four months after my maternal grandmother.

That was it.

She was the final living member of that generation of my family, and she had just died.

And she was a close friend of mine, who was my roommate for a few years.

It was a difficult funeral, not because she died young (she was 80) but because I never got to say goodbye to her. She had been diagnosed with lung cancer, and she went rather quickly. I knew she was sick, but suddenly she was gone. My last memories of her were of her gardening, watching horror movies with me on tv, and cooking dinner together. I was not prepared for her to be gone.

Those feelings returned when I listened to 100 years the other day. Not the feelings of sadness and loss - but different feelings. And it was amazing to me how differently I perceived the song at 35 as I had at 27. Now, I stop and listen, I let the lyrics resonate, and I look for the message and the meaning.

And I know that the message of this song is that life is fleeting. Every time we turn around, every time we blink, we will be in a new stage of our life. We have our hopes, our dreams and our naivety of our youth; which is replaced by the wisdom of our older years. The song taught me that while yes, life may be passing quickly, it taught me that life is a cycle. We go through changes, and we eventually pass on to the next life.

But still, even when we are gone, we are still here. We are still here in those that we left behind - in the new babies that our born each year, in the nieces and nephews that are graduating from high school, we are there in our siblings that raise their children with our blood and our genes and our mannerisms and our looks.

And once we have passed, we can look down from the heavens, looking down on our families, on the lives that continue to pass; we gaze on the cycle that continues again and again and again...and can say...

"I am still there."

An Unexpected Addition

I never thought, in all of my life, that I would spend several hours one day saving the life of an infant squirrel. But that happened to me just yesterday, and I honestly didn't comprehend what was happening at first when Tiny notified me of something wrong in the backyard. I didn't know, I was inside the house at the time.

But as I stepped outside to investigate, Tiny's big brown eyes looked up at me with concern.

"What's wrong Tiny?" I asked, as she whimpered.

She sniffed the dirt below her, pointing it out with her snout.

A baby squirrel, laying on its side in the dirt. So young that its eyes were still slits and not yet opened, so small that its little chest heaved up and down in terror. I looked up at the trees above, imagining a horrendous fall from the giant oak canopy two stories above, and I started to think that this poor unfortunate baby squirrel only had seconds left.

After putting the dog inside, I examined the infant more closely. His face was in the dirt, his mouth was full of sand, and he was shaking. Using a plastic shopping bag, I gingerly picked him up and put him on the patio table.

And that's when I knew that we were this little infant's only hope to survive.

I confided in my closest friend, called my mother, and tried to determine what to do with the little fella. I was concerned that the fall from the tree may have injured him internally and that he may expire any time now. My call to the vet yielded a stern "we don't look at squirrels" and calling the Wildlife organization was useless as well. We were on our own to help this guy.

But what happened next is really the makings of miracles.

We took the little infant squirrel and placed him in a small box (a box that you generally get checks in - he was that small) and insulated it with little leaves. After giving him some shredded lettuce and sugar water, he started to come around.

And started to call for his mother, a tiny shrill scream, over and over.

He had difficulty navigating the raised sides of the box, and of course he couldn't see, but he managed to muster the energy, after some time had passed, was able to call for help.

And that's when my friend suggested to leave him be, and sent an excellent site on the care of infant squirrels: Squirrel Tales".

Getting dinner prepared, thoughts started to enter my head, since his situation seemed less dire. Would he imprint himself on us? Would we now have a wild squirrel as part of the family?

And for a while, we did.

We tried to determine what would be best for him, how he might survive the night, and we kept an anxious Tiny from going outside to relieve herself - at least for a little while - so the little guy could have a little peace and quiet to gather his senses and call for his mother.

And then, just as we were about to start eating dinner, it happened.

I looked outside, and saw the box. I saw the leaves, the lettuce we had shredded for him, and the tiny soda cap of sugar water was tipped over.

"Nim", our little pet that we had named for just a few hours, had been saved by his mother.

And that short time, that brief time of having an additional pet, has confirmed thoughts of why animals comes into our lives. Mehki came as a tiny, skinny and hungry black and white tuxedo kitten, meowing incessantly and latching onto us immediately. He grew into the healthy and lovable cat that he is today.

Song called to us for help about two years later. We were looking for a cat at the time, as a friend for Mehki, and we were at the Humane Society. That's the place were un-adopted cats and dogs are put down. Well, Song, whose original name was "Sun", looked right at us and winked. And we knew he was asking for us to pick him.

And we did.

And then of course there's Tiny, who bounced into our lives a year and a half ago as a little puppy, who has grown into a large, protective and loving dog who we wouldn't trade for the world.

And then there's Nim.

We only had him for a few hours.

But they were critical hours of his life; they were hours that would have decided whether he lived or died. And it was when looking back at the time, knowing that he was sent to us for a reason. He fell out of that tree at that precise moment and that precise time, right in our backyard, because we were there to help him to ensure that he could live.

And that's why he came into our lives.

He came into our lives so he could live, and we were meant to save his life. And, because we were called to rescue him, he now can live as he was meant to be.

And maybe one day, an adult squirrel will dash down from the giant oak trees above, run across the top of the fence, closer to the patio, and we will look up.

His head will cock to the side, his eyes wide, his arms holding a nut, and he will tilt his head, and skitter away.

Some Vivaldi and How Bagpipes Make Us Cry

Today is Sunday. I am in a spiritual mood...maybe not because it's Sunday, maybe I am in that mood because I feel that I am a spiritual person.

I try to attend Church when I can - I was raised a Catholic and I still believe in the teachings to this day. But, I got out of the habit of going to Church when I entered the hotel business and routinely worked late Saturdays and Sundays, and I just never got back into the habit of going to Church.

I am listening to Vivaldi's Magnificat.

This speaks to me spiritually. Make sure to have your volume turned up, and you will see what I mean.

Music brings us together, it unites the masses, whether a concert, church service or wedding, we all live our lives through music.

Music brings us together at funerals too. I remember when "Amazing Grace" was played on bagpipes at my Uncle's funeral. I had kept it together until that moment.

Music speaks to our souls.

It soothes us in our time of pain, it excites us when we are starting a new beginning...and it helps us remember those events in our life that have passed and those people in our lives that have passed on.

And when the bagpipes play, that's when it hits home:

Click this video and listen. Have your computer speakers turned up. Think of your lost loved ones, and it will make you cry. (It takes a few seconds to get started).

Why do bagpipes make us cry? Is it their simplicity? Their tragic way of presenting a Hymn that is already a tearjerker?

Is it because they are typically played at funerals, memorials, and other solemn moments?

Bagpipes make us cry just for those reasons!

They pull at our heartstrings because they are just that...so simple. They represent lives lost, and force us to remember.

The Solitary Writer and a Cylical Life

Being a writer can be a lonely job. Especially a novelist.

For hours, sometimes days, the novel writer sits alone, without human contact, staring at a computer screen, sometimes drinking coffee, other times drinking alcohol, thinking about fictional characters doing made up things in made up worlds.

It can be quite isolating. And it can lead to social problems - some of the most brilliant novelists out there are also the most eccentric (and, without much surprise, are most prone to substance abuse). Who out there hasn't heard of an alcoholic writer? Quite a few writers drink when they write. "It opens the creative mind," they claim. Or maybe it's just because they like to drink?

Beer chugging novelists aside, what I really have been thinking about is how life tends to be present itself in cycles - our economy rises and falls in cycles, we leave school, leave home, enter the workforce, and then return home and return to school in another cycle. We are born, mature, grow older, and die in yet another cycle.

The latest cycle presented to me was an email that I received this week. A literary agency in New York would like to read a few pages from my first novel, Ashes, which I have been shopping for a few years now. My heart racing with excitement, I call just about everyone I can. The general consensus is to rewrite the beginning that evening.

So, I spend that subsequent evening writing a new scene - and a new synopsis. And now...after working on several other novels, other projects have been suspended to work on my first novel once again. The cycle continues.

And now I am dressing up my first manuscript - the one that I thought I had put away - changing the suit I dressed it in last year to a tuxedo - in hopes that the email or phone call will come with more interest in my work.

My fight for a career in novel writing has continued; it has taken a step forward...I just might be one step closer to that isolating life of a novelist.

Or, at the very least, my first novel now has a great new beginning!

Tastes of the South

Southern deep-fried delights rarely conjure up thoughts of healthy eating.

I don't eat fried foods very often - it usually only happens when dining out. But these days, dining out has become such a luxury, that I hardly remembered the last time that I ate true fried food.

But it's such a traditional part of the South, and there are some great southern dishes that tantalize the tastebuds. Problem is, when eaten in a restaurant, they also drain your wallet, raise your blood pressure, and expand your waistline.

What's the solution?

Bring the restaurant home! By preparing your own "restaurant style" dishes at home, you can have the control you need to keep the food as healthy as possible, as well as preparing it as simply as possible.

Today's recipe is a dual dish: Fried Dill Pickles and Thick-Cut Fried Onions

Here is what you will need:

(1) Jar of your favorite brand of Dill Pickles
(1) SWEET Onion (the sweetest you can find - the sweeter the better)
Worcestershire Sauce
Sour Cream
Garlic Ranch Dressing
Garlic Powder
All-Purpose Flour -- PKU and Gluten-free visit www.cambrookefoods.com for special flours to use.
Salt and Pepper

Cut 1 or 2 of the full size dill pickles into crescents (about 1/4" thick) and cut the onions into thick round wheels (make sure to peel the skin off).

In the meantime, put about 1 cup of flour in a small mixing bowl; add garlic powder, salt and pepper and mix thoroughly. Put aside.

In another small mixing bowl, add about 2T of Worcestershire Sauce, 1/4 cup Sour Cream, and 2T Garlic Ranch Dressing.

Heat your oil of choice in a deep pot - deep so the oil does not splash up and get everywhere. Use enough oil to completely submerge the food when frying.

Take a few pickles and coat them with the flour mix. Then transfer them to the dressing mix, coat, and then put back in the flour and coat again. Drop them in the hot oil until they are golden brown. Drain on a paper towel.

Repeat the process until the pickles are gone, and then repeat the process with the onion wheels.

A great snack, and great for guests!! When frying, keep in mind that this is an eggless version - if you choose to add eggs to the dressing, the breading will hold better.

PKU - keep in mind the Ranch and Sour Cream will count towards your Dairy allotments.
Hypertension - Keep in mind this is overall low sodium. Not with all the added salts and high sodium spices that restaurants use. You can omit the salt or use sea salt for a lower sodium version. Using half-sour pickles instead of kosher dills will lower the sodium even more.
Diabetes - very low sugar dish
Gluten-Free - Use Gluten-Free flours from www.cambrookefoods.com

** Please note that, because this is a fried dish, it has a high fat content, and should be enjoyed on occasion, not daily. When choosing your frying oil, make sure that the label reads the following or better per serving:

Saturated Fat - 10% or less daily value per serving
Trans Fat 0% (this is the DEADLY fat that has been outlawed in many areas)
Cholesterol 0% (avoid cholesterol to avoid Heart problems!)
Sodium 0% (Don't add sodium with your frying oil! There is plenty in the food itself!)
Protein 0% (PKU - Don't add more protein with your oil. Keep the dish friendly!)

Spuds Central

Okay...so all of you like potatoes, right? I mean, they're extremely healthy - don't believe all that South Beach mumbo jumbo about how they have too many carbs. Sure, they have carbs - don't get me wrong. But they're healthy carbs! And healthy carbs do a body good!

I think all of us like breakfast potatoes - the warm and mealy potatoes, the zesty onions, some peppers and...yum!

It's not news that potatoes can be prepared in many different ways - and it's not news that the skins are the healthiest part of the potato, right? So then, why do we peel them?

I implore you all - WASH your potatoes - take a look at what Wisegeek.com reported about potato skins:

"Potato skins store many nutrients and also contain a lot of fiber, which is essential for a healthy diet. Leaving the potato skins on also helps preserve the nutrients in the flesh of the potato, which have a tendency to escape during cooking. Based on a 2000 calorie diet, a large baked potato, including the skin, has 278 calories. Only 3 of these calories are from fat. A baked potato contains only 1% of the fat allowance considered as part of a healthy diet, with 0% of this being saturated fat."

Only 3 calories from fat!

So once you have cut your potatoes to your desired shape, choose your weapon: mine is a large, seasoned wok. Heat oil or melt butter (oil is better for a wok) and add the potatoes. The trick now is to turn the heat down - you don't want to burn your potatoes. The secret is slow cooking. They will take time, and you will need to taste one to determine if its done. It's not an exact science.

During the cooking process, add your spice: again, to taste. No exact quantities here. My spices of choice are garlic powder, sea salt, pepper, and a blend of italian herbs. Don't overdo it on the garlic - it has a tendency to burn, so add it later on in the cooking process.

And there you have it! A wonderfully healthy, filling breakfast dish that's high in fiber and GOOD carbs - which are necessary for that one thing that we all need - energy!